I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
