The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
