did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
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I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
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turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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