my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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