I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
