did you get engaged???
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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