Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
