Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
