Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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