***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
