I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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