yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
