I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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