lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
