I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
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eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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