Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
