so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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