Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
