So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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