it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
