as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
