he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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