I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
