Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize