you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
