dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
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I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
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Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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