The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
