he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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