shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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