I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
