Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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