I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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