On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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