it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
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Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
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Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize