Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
