he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
