I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
