Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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