she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
