Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
