Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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