Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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