So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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