once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Can I color on your dick again?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
