biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm like, not good at living.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
