I want to stick my p in your. b.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
