You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
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