WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
