Can i not drive my cunt home
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
