I wish I only lived at night.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
