Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
