And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
