Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
