i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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