His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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