Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
