turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize