Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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