Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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