You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
