remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
