You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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