I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
