I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
