yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
