It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
