hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
