i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
