Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just high enough for therapy.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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