drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
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Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
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I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out