I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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