Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age