"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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