Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
