it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
