And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
