you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
