i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
