I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
