Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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