I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
