True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
how does that bad decision feel?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
