Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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